So This Is Middle School...

Huckle began middle school last year. It was a transition I had dreaded for years, mourning the beginning of the end of childhood and feeling helpless in the face of the angsty, hormonal teen years.

What a joy that, one year later, that I feel so differently about the middle school years. Granted, Huckle is only twelve years old, but I'm writing this to show how my worst expectations have not been realized and, in fact, how we are on a different -- better -- trajectory. May this help other parents who feel that same kid-growing-up dread.

Now, of course, every twelve-year-old is different. I'm not saying yours will be like mine. I simply want to show the joy that comes with this stage.

1. Humor. Oh, the fart jokes are still going strong, but more subtle and sly forms of humor have emerged.

2. Evenkeeledness. To see maturity emerging and to love the companionship of the tiny being you once birthed, the headstrong toddler who left you questioning your decision to become a parent! It's humbling and thrilling. I look back and realize I felt less in control with the emotion-driven little boy storming in 2-4 time-outs per day than I do with a rational 12-year-old. My life is calmer now. The emotional energy in my household feels more stable now with stronger but far less frequent emotional firestorms.

4. Helpfulness. A parent never forgets the schlepping phase, when your arms are beyond full. I sitting in my car in the post office parking lot in early December when Huckle as a baby, wondering how I would ever manage to carry in a stack of large packages (much less stand in line with them), without temporarily abandoning my baby in that monsterly awkwardly heavy car seat, either in the car or in the post office. It was an impossible challenge. But now? A 12-year-old is strong and able. This one insists on shouldering more weight than me, even though he weighs far less than me. Not only that, but all those niggly little jobs I put off -- changing light bulbs, figuring out a new electronic -- Huckle LOVES those jobs, in fact would be disappointed if we didn't leave them for him.

4. Real grown-up conversation. Yes, we still have dinner conversations where silliness reigns. But our family also discusses books, current events, and everyone weighs in on certain decisions, like travel plans, schedule changes, that new sofa.

Now, for the sake of fair balance, let me say that all is not perfect. Balance between independence and obedience. But not the screaming rage sort of battles I expected. Rather, I find myself needing to rethink how we've been doing things for the past 12 years and needing to adjust, discuss, allow. In other words, I'm growing too. We also have flares of temper that cool within moments into apology and sense but leave me jarred and cranky. In fact, Huckle is gifted at apologizing. I am learning from him (and learning not to be exasperated about how much easier it would be if he didn't do anything requiring apology in the first place).

Just you wait. You will be blessed -- and challenged -- by your preteen too.